Welcome, welcome.

So, here's where I'm going to chronicle my epic struggle to find a job in my new homeland.

Just to give you a little background, in college I signed a contract and enrolled in this program called Public Child Welfare Certification Program. This program practically promised me a job as a social worker, at a higher than normal payrate, for Kentucky state government. They also paid my tuition and gave me stipends for four semesters. I also got to go to weekend training conferences for free.

Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, huh?

After I graduated, I waited about five months and never heard anything. No calls for job interviews, anything. In the meanwhile, I had a stable job that I enjoyed (for the most part). I was at home with my family and friends. I finally e-mailed the PCWCP program administrator, asking if there was a chance that any of us who hadn't been hired would be let out of our contracts. Low and behold the next day I got a call for an interview.

Then I got called for another. And another. And strangely enough, they were all in the same county office. In Campbell County. 300 miles away.

I interviewed the for the four positions: one for foster care, one for recruitment and certification, one for ongoing, one for investigations. I really preferred the jobs in that order. Investigations definitely not my cup of tea, hence it being on the bottom of my list.

The next couple of months I was a nervous wreck, waiting to hear back from my interview. I halfway hoped I would get the job, because I wanted the chance at a good career and just wanted to know what direction my life was taking. I also halfway hoped I didn't get it, because I wanted to stay with my friends and family. I was such a wreck that it affected me at work. It was a bad time at work anyway because of some personnel issues, but I was seriously flipping my gourd. Then I got my phone call.. saying I got the job. For the investigations team.

I had about three weeks to finish work at my job, then move my stuff across the state. So I got this awesome apartment and started my job. The first week was a little scary, because I didn't know anyone, or even how to get to work without my GPS. I got to know the people there, figured out who to turn to for help, the little intricacies that make this office it's own place. I went to the company Christmas party and had a great time.

I started getting cases, and that was alright. I went to mandatory trainings, and that was alright. Then, I got several cases at once, and I started to feel a little overwhelmed. Make that a lot overwhelmed. I had very little idea about what I was doing, and I didn't feel like I was doing a good thing. I got into social work to help people, yet all I felt like I was doing was screwing up and hurting people. Some nights I'd start crying for no reason. I would go to bed (if I could make myself get up and go to bed.. most nights, I would just lay on the couch) at night and lay there, thinking about my cases. Eventually I would fall asleep, and wake up several times during the night. Immediately I was thinking about my cases, and couldn't fall back asleep. Then my alarm would go off, and I would lay there for 10 or 15 more minutes, with a sinking feeling in my guts. I'd have a headache, and get sick to my stomach, and be filled with the most intense sensation of dread and sadness. I realized: I hate my job. Being there made me miserable.

On top of me hating my job, there was a literal natural disaster in my hometown and pretty much my whole state. My parents and friends and family had no electricity, no running water, and no idea when they might get them back. It was at that point I realized I needed to quit my job. That kind of event was stressful, but I pretty much shut down mentally. I could handle having a bad job if I was back home. I can handle having a job I like while I'm here. But I cannot have a job I hate in this place that is so foreign to me, where I'm 300 miles away from everything I know. When a job makes me afraid to go to sleep because I'll have to get up in the morning and go to work, that's when it's time to look for something else.

I turned in my resignation last Friday, giving my boss one month notice. Because of that, I'll have to pay back $15,000 of tuition and stipends. At this point it's worth it. I have to find a job that I enjoy, or at least feel good about doing. I have since applied to several places, including:

Holly Hill
Cincinnati Children's Hospital
St. Joe's Orphanage
Brown Mackie College

and a few other places.

If I don't get hired somewhere by the end of April, I'm going to move home and start over. I'll re-evaluate my life and figure out where to go and what to do, and just pay on my debt.

So that's my life and what's going on. Honestly, I wish I had never moved up here, but I'm trusting that God has some kind of plan for me that I just don't understand right now. I've always been a plan-for-the-worst kind of guy, and missed the but-hope-for-the-best part.

I'll keep this thing updated hopefully and let everyone know what's going on. Or, I'll just keep it for myself.. who knows.