Feelings and Fears

Let me just put it out there: I hate winter. It's not the snow or the cold, although I could definitely live without the temperature falling below 60. I think it's the light--or rather, the lack thereof--that bothers me. It's cloudy on most days, and by the time I'm off work, the sun is setting or has set. I miss having warm sunshine on my skin. I would love it if Christmas was in the summer. Wasn't Jesus supposedly born in the summer? Let's work on fixing those calendars, okay?

It's usually during the winter and early spring that I start feeling all yucky on the inside. It makes me too introspective. I start having all these negative thoughts and feelings. I start thinking that nothing I do is good enough, that I'm a failure and I'll never amount to anything, my family is going to stop being proud of me, I'll be alone, and I'll never be satisfied with anything in my life. Honestly, if I wasn't on Lexapro right now, I'd probably be a basket case. I definitely was last winter.

I have a lot of good things going on in my life right now. And I have to keep reminding myself of that. Going to the gym makes me feel good and I love my job. I have good people in my life and I need to stop feeling like they're going to abandon me.

In slightly better news, I got my measurements at the gym. Compared them to January. I had some small games and losses in most areas, but I lost 3 inches in my waist and gained 2.5 inches in my shoulders. Pretty happy with that. I'm trying to gain muscle now, so I'm scarfing down calories like it's my job.